One last breath

Life..no matter how hard is it for me to live,there's always a road for me to go trough.."one last breath" that's what i called it,why??..because in life there is no turning back,there is no second chance..
Sometimes at night i wonder if i could turn back the time to fix the damage that i've done to my life or other's,but i can't "what i do is what i do,what i do is my own deeds and my own curses"..what i do is always comes back to me to haunt me inside my memory,especialy memories about how dissapointing i'm for the people who care about me,who love me,who put their trust and faith in me..
"God please take away the memory,the guilt,the consequence for what i have done,God please forgive me",i spoke those words everytime i cry,everytime i pray,cause i know God is listening,cause i know God will answer my pray one day so i can be truly happy..but until that day comes,i have to live my life patiently,thankfully with all God have given me right now,"for what i have now is my strenght,for what i have now is my courage,for what i have now is my friend"..One last breath..

Doa terakhir ku..

TUHAN..hamba sadar Engkau menciptakan "dia" bukan untuk berjodoh dengan hamba
TUHAN..hamba sadar hamba bergelimang dosa kepadaMu dan "dia"..namun dengarkanlah doa hamba ya TUHAN..

TUHAN..tolong jaga "dia" untuk hamba..
Berikanlah semua kasih sayang Mu untuk "dia"..
Lapangkanlah jalan rejeki dan jodoh "dia"..
Bukakanlah selalu pintu maaf Mu ketika "dia" meminta pengampunan Mu..
Panjangkanlah umur "dia" sehingga "dia" bisa selalu senantiasa beriman dah beribadah kepada Mu..
Tunjukanlah selalu jalan yang Engkau ridhoi untuk "dia" berjalan ketika "dia" tersesat..
Terangkanlah selalu hati "dia" ketika hati orang lain gelap kepada "dia"
Berikanlah "dia" selalu kekuatan untuk menghadapi dan melalui semua cobaan Mu..

TUHAN..inilah doa terakhir hamba untuk "dia"..tolong kabulkanlah ya TUHAN..

TUHAN..maafkanlah hamba dan "dia"..

Antara apa yang ku rasa dan yang ku temukan

Didalam kebimbangan..ku temukan ketenangan

Didalam ketidakmampuan..ku rasakan rasa semangat

Didalam kesunyian..ku temukan kedamaian

Didalam kesedihan..ku temukan kebahagiaan

Didalam kesendirian..ku rasakan kebebasan

Didalam kekecewaan..ku temukan harapan

Didalam keputusasaan..ku temukan jalan

Didalam kemarahan..ku temukan kesabaran

Diantara pilihan..ku temukan keikhlasan

Didalam cobaan..ku temukan TUHAN..

"DIA"

"dia" adalah sosok wanita yang luar biasa bagi ku
"dia" adalah malaikat bagi ku
"dia" meski dibalut oleh kekurangannya tapi tetap merupakan keyakinan ku akan seorang jodoh yang sempurna..itu yang aku percaya..

Namun..seakan aku semakin yakin dengan semuanya,semakin sakit pula hati ini..
Karena "dia" telah memberi ku harapan yang akhirnya "dia" ambil kembali..
"dia" yang telah memberiku arti untuk mengerti dan menyayangi seseorang,namun "dia" juga yang tak bisa mengerti dan menyayangi ku..

Sakit ini semakin tak tertahankan ketika aku sadar siapakah aku bagi "dia"?..ketika aku sadar bahwa "dia" hanya sempurna dimimpiku..ketika aku mencoba ada untuk "dia" namun "dia" menghilang..
Aku mencoba untuk bertahan selama ini..aku mencoba mengerti akan "dia"..namun aku sudah lelah..

Terakhir kalinya..ini adalah terakhir kalinya aku mengharapkan "dia"..
Aku tahu ini bukan akhir dari segalanya namun ini adalah akhir antara aku dan "dia"..
Meski sakit..aku harus bisa bangkit dari keterpurukan ini..aku harus bisa mengambil hikmah dari semuanya sehingga suatu saat ketika aku menemukan seseorang yang aku sayangi,aku tidak akan melakukan padanya seperti apa yang telah "dia" lakukan padaku (menyianyiakan seseorang yg menyayanginya,dan pergi begitu begitu saja ketika rasa penasaran itu hilang)..

Ikhlas..aku ikhlas melepas "dia" meski separuh nyawaku dibawanya..
Terima kasih..aku tetap berterima kasih kepada "dia" yang telah memberiku banyak arti akan hidup..yang telah mengisi ruang kosong dihatiku selama ini..yang telah mengajarkan ku untuk bersabar dan berikhlas..

Aku tahu aku akan sangat merindukan "dia"..aku juga tahu aku akan sangat menyesal..tapi aku sudah terlalu lelah..aku sudah terlalu hancur untuk bertahan..namun aku tahu TUHAN MAHA ADIL..
Aku pergi karena "dia" sebelumnya telah meninggalkan ku dalam kehampaan..
Aku akan selalu mengingat "dia" dalam pikiran ku doa ku dan mimpi ku..namun tidak dalam hatiku lagi..

My own story of Demon and Angel..

What you can't see is the broken heart,fore i knew we were meant to be together from the beginning. the fact that pretending your with me,is easier than admitting that you love me. tear are falling not from my eyes but from my heart. what you don't see is that i could have taken the pain away,could saved you from the dark. just wanted to hold you till you don't hurt,but you had to fade away from my arms,wanted to kiss you gently on the lips but he stole the kiss from you my angel. our hands we once laced together griping ever so tight,as you sprouted your wings and flew from my dream. should have saw your pain but i got to caught up within myself,blinded unto your sorrow my angel. too late to apologize for now you sore neath the calm skies into the arms of another. wounded i walk down the steps of hell,knowing that it was foolish to think an angel could love a demon. now and then i escape from hell on a rainy night just to enjoy the rain of feeling,your soft touch kissing my face,for the feeling the rain in as close as i will ever get to you holding me my lovely angel. just wish you would dance with me my angel,but heaven would never allow such thing to happen. opposites say us together isn't right,yet i fight for the chance to be with you,am i naive?. do i wish upon false hope knowing the chances are slim to none of us flying away my angel?. here i'm lost in the fires of hell for the love we once had and knew,poundering the question how could an angel of the light love a demon of the dark. a heavenly angel love a demon of hell?,answer this love please i beg of you. since nor heaven nor hell will allow us to be together,can we love in secret my angel?,for forbidden love is the essence and by holding your hand i only then feel the comfort of the serenity in the world..and for what is worth maybe i don't have the love from you,but i always have you in my pray my lovely angel..

My own sorrow..

I try to talk to you, but i dont know what to say, iam afraid you dont want me to say anything....so i dont. But inside of me there are words waiting to come out, and tell you how i feel-like how i miss you, and how i love you despite my broken heart. "if i never met you, i wouldnt like you....if i didnt like you, i wouldnt love you....if i didnt love you, i wouldnt miss you....but i did, i do, and i will". But those words may forever stay in my heart-locked inside. Sometimes i wonder if there are words locked inside you too?!?....i gues i'll never know....

My own fantasy of story

There was once this guy who is very much in love with this girl. This romantic guy folded 1000 paper cranes as a gift to his girl. Although at the time he was just a small fry in his company,his future didn't seem too bright. They were very happy together,until one day,his girl told him she was going to paris and will never come back,she also told him that she cannot continue any future for the both of them,so they went their own ways there and then....heartbroken,the guy agreed,but when he regained his confidence,he worked hard day and night,slogging his body and mind just to make something out of himself,finally with all the hard work and the help of a friend,this guy had set up his own company....(you never fail until you stop trying). On one rainy day,while this guy was driving,he saw an elderly couple sharing an umbrela in the rain and walking to some destination. Even with the umbrela,it didn't take him long to realize they were his girl's parents. With a heart in getting back at them,he drove slowly beside the couple,wanting them to spot him in his luxury sedan,he wanted them to know that he wasn't the same any more,he had his own company,car,condo etc. What he saw next confused him,the couple was walking towards a cemetery,and so he got out of his car and followed....he saw his girl,a photograph of her smiling sweetly as ever at him from her tombstone and he saw his paper cranes right beside her....her parents saw him,he asked them why this had happened??,they explained,she did not leave for france at all,she was ill with cancer. She believed that he will be succes one day,but she did not want to be his obstacle,therefore she had chosen to leave him....(just because someone doesn't love you the way you wanted them too,it doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have). She wanted her parents to put his paper cranes beside her,because if the day comes when faith brings him to her again,he can take some of those paper back with him....(once you have loved someone,you will always love)....(for what's in your mind may escape but what's in your heart will remain forever). The guy just cried and feel very sory. He knows that the worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside her knowing you can't have her,see her,kiss her or be with her ever again....(find time to realize that there is one person who means so much to you,for you might wake up one morning losing that person who you thought meant nothing to you)....